Ben took a giant leap.

Since April, Ben has been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks. Most of the time, he has them at work. At the nagging of his dear wife and one of his friends, Ben finally started seeing a therapist about this problem after making it known that he wanted to take care of this without meds if possible.

Ben really clicked with his therapist, and I am so thankful for that. But it became very clear to me that he really needed to be on medication to get this under control. So again, I nagged him until he went to the doctor.

At his doctor's appointment, Ben became extremely anxious - shaking, vomitting and breaking out into a cold sweat. His doctor suggested doing some blood work to make sure we were not mistaking an emotional issue for a medical one. Ben's bloodwork did reveal that there may be medical issues along with those emotional ones he's been experiencing. So, there are more tests in our near future.

My heart breaks for Ben. I know he's scared, and so am I.

I got some not-so-great news.

It's been so long since I've updated, and I thought today would be a good day to do just that. I need to get this out.

First, let me catch you up.

My insulin test showed that my insulin was a little high at hour #2, but my doctor wasn't that concerned about it and didn't officially diagnose me with PCOS. Thank goodness!

Also, I had a laporascopy in July to diagnose endometriosis. Ben and I, along with my parents, got to the hospital early that morning. The wait for surgery was hard on Ben, and he was having alot of anxiety. I told him that if he got too overwhelmed to go home. I assured him that I was in great hands, and I didn't want him to worry about leaving me there. My parents and both of my sisters were there, and I knew that he loved me and was worried about me. He did end up having a full blown panic attack and did go home to wait for me there.

The surgery went well. My endo was only in stage 1, but my doctor discovered a couple of other issues while he was down there. I had a small benign polyp, a bit of scar tissue and a very narrow cervix (cervical stenosis). The doctor said it was a very severe case of cervical stenosis. So, he widened my cervix in addition to clearing out all of the endometriosis, scar tissue and the polyp. At my follow-up appointment post-surgery, he was very encouraging and recommended 3 more natural cycles before moving onto medicated cycles. He said we would then try Clomid, and if I wasn't pregnant in 3 medicated cycles, we would talk about more aggressive treatments. He didn't seem to think we'd even need to worry about that though.

He also ordered me to call when I got a positive ovulation predictor test during my next cycle. Ben and I were instructed to have sex the night I got the positive and come in the next day for more testing.

I had this test today, and the results were not that great. The nurse practitioner recommended intrauterine insemination (IUI). She said it wasn't impossible to get pregnant naturally, but this would give us much better chances. The cost would be $500 a cycle to do this. I'm just not sure I am ready to move onto this yet; and with Ben's anxiety issues, I don't want to add that kind of stress to him. In fact, maybe this isn't the best time to be trying to get pregnant anyway. Am I being selfish to even entertain the thought of having a child right now?

Obviously, Ben and I have a lot of talking and praying to do about this.

I wait.

Last Tuesday, I went back to the RE for some additional bloodwork and for Ben's Semen Analysis (SA). For my part, they did a 7 DPO progesterone check and a 4-hour Insulin Tolerance Test (ITT). Before leaving that day, they told me that my progesterone was at 17.73 which indicates I ovulated and is an acceptable level for an unmedicated cycle. Later that day, a nurse called and confirmed all of that but said my insulin test and Ben's SA take a little longer and that Dr. Doody would need to review all the information before she could tell me anything about those. She did say, though, that looking over Ben's numbers, things seemed to be fine there.

And so, I wait. Since Dr. Doody does surgery on Fridays and Mondays, I really don't expect to hear from them until tomorrow at the very earliest. I'm so anxious to hear the results; but for now, I sit in anticipation.

I went to the RE.

First, I want to clear something up. Right after I posted my last blog update, I heard from my OB/GYN's office, and they were very nice and made things clearer for me. I still wish they had more detailed info on their online test results page, but I guess knowing things are normal is better than being totally in the dark. Anyway, on to other things...

Yesterday, I went to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) for my fertility issues. I had a nice chat with the doctor, gave 3 viles of blood, had an ultra sound and scheduled several additional tests and laparoscopic surgery for my endometriosis.

The doctor was really nice and told me there could be a number of issues making it difficult to conceive, but we will figure out the problem together. He told me this is a team process, and I was the boss. Some of the issues he suspected were endometriosis, polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), insulin resistance and my age. He was very encouraging, and I feel confident he will help resolve the issues I'm having.

I was really nervous about the ultra sound, but it really wasn't that bad. The nurse practitioner told me that my ovaries look characteristic of what they see in polycystic ovaries and that matches up with some of my other symptoms. So, when some of my hormone levels come back, I feel certain I will have an official diagnosis of PCOS. At that point, I expect I'll get to take all kinds of medicine for that. Oh joy! :)

My next appointment is next week, and they will draw more blood to check my progesterone levels since I will be 7 days past ovulation (DPO). My levels should tell them if I am ovlulating or not. I am also going to do a 4-hour long insulin resistance test. So, it looks like I will be getting to know Dr. Doody and his staff very well on Tuesday since I'll be spending half of my day there.

Until next time...

I got some test results...

First of all, let me say that when I went for my bloodwork, I am pretty sure my doctor ordered the wrong panel of tests. On the 21st day of my cycle (7 days after I ovulated), she ordered FSH, Estradiol, Thyroid-B and something else thyroid-related (maybe TSH?).  From everything I've read and heard, FSH should be tested on CD3 - not 7 DPO. The lab tech said this is the series of tests we always run when we put someone on Clomid. Clomid? No one mentioned she was putting me on Clomid. My doctor said these tests will tell us if I'm ovulating, and for that, you need to check progesterone 7 days after you supposedly ovulated. Um, hello?

When I called the nurse to see if it was a mistake to order this bloodwork, she said that this is what my doctor ordered. I'm suddenly not so confident in my doctor, but I have an appointment with an RE in a couple of weeks. So for now, we'll just leave it at that.

Yesterday, I received an email that I had test results waiting on the website my OB/GYN's office uses to "communicate" test results. But I have no idea which tests were "normal." Do they mean my PAP was normal? The tiny blood sample they got by poking my finger before my annual exam? The large vile of blood they took when I came in at 7 DPO? And if so, were all those hormone levels normal? Any of them borderline? I'm so confused and frustrated.

Here's what the screen showed when I went to get my results...

Here's what showed up when I clicked to read the message...

I've called and left a message, but no one has called me back yet...surprise, surprise!

I went to the doctor.

I made my appointment during lunch and was worried I might be there forever. Much to my surprise though, I didn't have to wait long before going back. My doctor came and talked to me before doing my exam, and I told her that I had been trying to lose weight and was being unsuccessful, my periods were extremely painful, and I had yet to get pregnant. We had a nice discussion, and both of us were asking lots of questions. She ended our talk by saying, "It sounds like you're body is rebelling against you. I'm going to suggest you see a fertility specialist." I told her that I had already made an appointment, and she was happy to hear that.

She then ordered CD21 (or 7DPO) bloodwork for me. That appointment is tomorrow, and I am excited to begin finding some answers to my fertility issues.

Wish me luck!

I have a doctor's appointment.

Tomorrow is my annual check up, and I'm hoping to talk more about our options for trying to get pregnant. I am fully expecting my doctor to order some tests to see if either Ben or I have any fertility issues to be concerned about.

It's kind of an interesting time in our lives. We're in a 7th cycle of trying. While we haven't been trying that long, my age does concern me. I'm also concerned there may be other issues as well. I'm trying really hard not to borrow trouble where it doesn't exist, but I can't say that my fears don't sit in the back of my mind.

We had the house inspected.

Yesterday was our home inspection for the house we plan to buy. It went really well. There were no major issues, only a few minor ones. We have a list of about 6 minor things that we'd like for the sellers to fix, and we will deal with the rest. Now, if the appraisal comes in for the price we offered or more, we should be in business. I am patiently waiting to see how that unfolds. I guess we should start packing regardless, because we sure do have a lot of stuff to pack!

there were two.

In one month and 9 days, Ben and I will have been married for a year! Sometimes, I still can't believe it! I love this man, and he really is my best friend. I'm so lucky to have him in my life.

Everyday, we are getting closer and closer. That's what happens when you start experiencing alot of major life changes together, and we have a lot going on right now! We are in the process of buying our first home, living life as first-time newlyweds in our late 30's, and (unknown to most) trying to have a baby!

No matter how stressful things can get, I know that Ben always has my back. He is constantly telling me, "We are in this together." I'm so glad, because I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't by my side supporting me and comforting me when it gets tough. And it DOES get tough at times.

Ben is a great husband. So, adjusting to married life isn't that hard. After several months of looking and finally finding the right home, the house thing is running fairly smoothly to this point (knock on wood). It's the baby thing that sometimes worries me. Can I actually do this? What if I can't?

We're on our 7th cycle of trying; and at age 38, I'm considered advanced maternal age (AMA). I'm not going so far as to say I'm infertile, but I suspect a few things based on symptoms and some family history that might make it really difficult. I'm going to let my doctor make that diagnosis before I get too concerned though. I have my annual appointment next week, and I cannot believe I'm actually saying that I can't wait to go. Believe me, I have never looked forward to any doctor's appointment, especially THAT kind of doctor's appointment. I've also already jumped the gun and scheduled an appointment with an Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) in June. I'd gladly cancel that appointment if we were lucky enough to conceive before then.

No matter what happens, I am counting my blessings! I am a lucky woman!